Arranged Marriage - Part 2

the engagement...

Indian engagements can be much like the wedding itself.  There were about 10 girls in a tiny room, "helping" Menuka get ready.  Doing her hair and makeup 20 different ways.

Menuka's sister's daughter-in-law is doing her make-up.  When Indians tell you that she is their "sister" or their "cousin"...make sure you ask if it's their actual sister or cousin.  Because it's usually not.  But here, everyone is family :)

Me and V tryin' to get out of the way!  I secretly like to sit back and just observe what's going on.  It was chaos fo sho!

Jeff submissively observing the "no boys allowed" rule.  No worries though, he was practicing telling the story of Jesus' baptism to himself.  We would peek out just to make fun of him.

Everyone from the girls' side inside the church, waiting for the boy and his family to knock on the door.  It's tradition for Nepali's that he and his family will knock, and a leader from the girl's side will ask why he came and what he wants.  It's really silly - the leader will accuse them of being thieves and they don't have anything for them to take.  So then, the family says they have come for a "flower."  Yeah, this is where it gets funny....

So then the leader brings in girls with veils over their faces and ask whether this is the "flower" they want.  Nope, not this one.  She's too short.

Not this one either...she has jeans on.  And well, this fellow doesn't like flowers with jeans...seriously.

Ahhh....I think this might be the right flower!

Ding ding ding!  The aunty takes off her veil and finds that this is the "original" flower - the one they saw a couple weeks ago.  haha!  And everyone laughs and claps.  It's pretty jolly.

So then the family gives a tray of snacks/food (eggs, juice, biscuits) and Rajesh and Menuka exchanged gifts.  Rajesh gave a ring and Menuka gave him a watch.

Finally, a few people speak about each one of them.  Since Menuka's parents are not alive, Jeff and Trish and one of Menuka's uncles spoke.  Because Trish started crying and wasn't able to finish (she LOVES Menuka...she's like a daughter to her...they've known her for 5 years), Jeff told Rajesh that he hoped he would love her well and care for her like a newly uprooted flower that it getting a new home.  It might take awhile for the roots to grow, but with much love and care and "watering" it will develop deep roots.  Pretty good analogy I thought!

Oh, and Rajesh's pastor said that they weren't to speak or see each other until the day of the wedding.  Well, sorry sir, but I don't think that's going to happen.  Immediately after the service, Trish asked Rajesh about that, and he whispered, "We have cell phones.  And I'll have to go with my sister to get Menuka's measurements."  (Menuka is supposed to buy his suit and he is supposed to buy her dress...yeah, how would you like your fiancee to pick out your WEDDING DRESS?!  haha!)  So anyway, although they're willing to go along with most of the traditions, the one of not speaking or seeing one another will not be followed.

Then...drum roll please...they bring in CHAI.  Yesssss!!!  I immediately said (almost shouted), "Praise the LORD!  I love chai!"  It's times like those, when you love being there but have not understood much at all because it's all in Nepali so you have a splitting headache...that chai tastes like HEAVEN.  Then, to top it off, we had a wonderful dinner of rice, dahl, cauliflower, potatoes, beans, and chicken.  Although it was a tad spicy, it was delightful to share a meal with so many sweet people, celebrating Menuka's engagement.

Yes, we were there for 5 hours.  Yes, everything in India takes 3 times as long :)

Why Do We Go Through Trials?

Life is Hard.

That's what a lot of people say...not just the cynics.  The optimists say it too.  Why?

Because it's TRUE.

We don't usually have a choice in the trials we go through.  But at the end of them, most people would say that they wouldn't trade that experience for the world.  Why?

Because the trials CHANGE us.

At our house church a couple weeks ago we talked about the possible reasons God allows us to go through trials.  Here's what we came up with:

*Test our faith - is it genuine?  To refine and sanctify us (1 Peter)
*Develop perseverance/endurance (James)
*Teach us to run to Him as our refuge (Psalm 11)
*Bring us closer to Jesus - creates more intimate relationship
*Discipline/train us (Hebrew 12)
*Grow our faith

I've been thinking about it a lot because I realized how much more I desire and love Jesus and the gospel because of my trials.  Because I've had to cling to Him, and in the clinging I learned that our God is a personal, empathetic God.  He's been here (Hebrews 4:14-16).  In pain, despair, fear, loneliness, death, disrespect, chaos, temptation.  So when I am faced with hard things, He has been teaching me that He wants me to run to Him, be in His presence, hear His voice, talk to Him.

And yet we don't serve a wimpy Savior but one who overcame evil with good, who defeated death so we could have life.  So while we're still on earth, experiencing pain and trials, be comforted by the fact that Jesus has overcome (which gives us victory and peace) and He stands beside you and says, "I know."

Puja Sacrifices

A sacrifice is something offered to a higher power in order to appease their anger, receive forgiveness for  sins, incite blessings, etc.  People all over India can be seen worshipping and offering sacrifices to idols at temples and their own homes, especially during this time (Friday is Diwali...festival of lights).  What many people outside India don't know is the cost involved (especially to the poor).

Sophie talked with a woman yesterday who said that the gods she worships are greedy...they demand many sacrifices - oil, incense, foods, flowers...often things poor people must steal in order to sacrifice.  Our night guard will now come from 8:30pm to 8:30am over the next few days in order to watch for thieves who will steal bananas, flowers, and other fruits from our yard.  Even this morning when I returned from walking with Sophie, there were two Nepali women who had buckets of flowers.  I said, "Good morning" and as soon as I passed them I realized they were taking flowers from people's yards (I'm assuming for Puja).

Sophie was able to share with the woman that our god is a Living God and desires our heart, not our physical sacrifices.  At this explanation of the gospel, the woman started to cry and asked Sophie to pray for her, as she would consider this God of mercy who BECAME the one and only sacrifice for us.  Now that is radical.

"For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings." (Hosea 6:6)

Arranged Marriages

Ok, so yesterday I got the shock of my life...well, not my life.  Maybe just my day.

Our househelper, Menuka (May-noo-ka) found out yesterday that she's getting married...in a month.  UM...I didn't believe Victoria when she told me.  No, that's not true.  That's just not possible.  SERIOUSLY?!


I mean, I knew people had arranged marriages (and we were pretty sure that Menuka's would be arranged...she's 27...that's pretty old for an indian girl), but I never knew anyone personally who actually went through with it (because they were hoping to fall in love before it came to that).  Wow.  If Jeff and Trish told me yesterday that they had arranged my marriage and I was marrying the guy in December...I would flip out, to say the least.

Menuka said that he wasn't talking (he's 31, by the way, and a pastor) and she wasn't talking cuz she was so stinkin' nervous and overwhelmed.  She said she even had a fever because she was so nervous.  Haha!  Me and Trish laughed pretty hard about that.  But his mom was excited out of her mind to have a daughter-in-law...AKA acting like it had already happened.  WEIRD.  They asked her if she wanted to marry him (after having JUST met him!) and she said she needed a few days.  And then his mom basically pleaded with her, so she said ok.  WOW.  And Menuka didn't seem to be very attracted to him.  She said he wasn't ugly, at least.  Well, ok.

So, as you can see, this is my first true collision with arranged marriage (thankfully i'm not the one experiencing it!), so culture shock is invading. haha!  But I guess I just have to go with the flow, ask a lot of questions, and pray for Menuka!