Rekindled to Live

I thought it would be easier.  I thought I would have more support from people higher up.  I thought they would now do the vision-casting and leading.

So I gave in to a slow death.  Death of a vision.  Because it's easier to swim downstream with everyone else and ignore a difficult calling (not that we all don't have difficult calling, I don't mean to belittle anyone else's).

This separation from the people and the place that I have come to love is so difficult.  Leaving is so hard.  Even though I have a complete peace about where I am, my heart longs to be there sharing life with them and encouraging them to love Jesus and let Him love them.

So, as we humans often do, I took a black and white approach...to just stop thinking about YL India and my friends there.  I figured now someone would take care of Siliguri YL.  There's nothing wrong with coming home and transitioning to life here.  But it's been tough to figure out what my role is now.

I'm grateful that the writer of a chunk of the New Testament was a missionary...Paul.  The guy started tons of churches but knew that for them to grow and for others to be started, he had to leave.  But he didn't just cut off all ties with them.  He prayed for them often.  He wrote to them.  And even visited them when he was able.  He expresses my heart for Indians in Colossians 2...

"My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, ³ in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. ⁴ I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. ⁵ For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how disciplined you are and how firm your faith in Christ is."

In this season, I'm learning to cast my anxiety on Jesus and receive His care for me.  To know that the longing I have for Indians to know Christ is ok...I don't have to feel guilty for being in the US and not with them.  But at the same time, I do believe God is re-kindling my calling...or maybe re-shaping/refining it.  I have invested so much, and to come back to the US and get back into the grind has made me forget about my calling and where true Life is found.  It's just easier here because comfort is easily accessible.  So as I've forgotten the vision of YL, it seems I've also set aside the Greatest Vision - God Himself.

Guess this old hymn expresses what I feel God is calling me to do right now...

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face...and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

Reverse Culture Shock

For those of you who don't know, I moved "home" to Nashville, TN from my "home" in Siliguri, India on June 13 (hence the blog's name change...India to Nashville).  Haven't been in Nashville much because of traveling but enjoying seeing my family on a regular basis and even some sweet friends.  Here are some reflections from the past few weeks...

*105 degrees feels awesome in a dress or shorts/tank top.  So I'm the only one sitting outside of Frothy Monkey.  But that's ok because sweating reminds me of India.  And I'm thankful I don't have to wear jeans and a sleeved shirt :)

*I've found myself bobbling my head when I really agree with someone...the Indian head bobble, oh my, it's in my blood.  Hilarious.  Especially when I'm with someone I don't know and can't just say "India."  see an informative video...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ0SuD_ulVk

*I miss eating rice with my hands

*I've almost spoken Hindi to random people at the gas station...who are not Indian

*It's not fun living out of a suitcase.  I want to jump right into life here and make it my own, but it's not really possible right now because I'll be traveling til the end of August and living with my parents til I find a place.  I know God wants me to live in these moments of uncertainty but I just want them to be done.  I want to get an apartment or house and put all my mugs in a cabinet and drink from them on my jolly, garage-sale leather couch.  God is teaching me a lot about waiting.  It's good but hard.

*Learning about long-distance relationships...no, unfortunately not that kind.  Friendships.  I have felt a lot of guilt for not "maintaining" the intensity level of friendships I had with Indians when I lived there. But it's just not possible.  Even just thinking about it is exhausting.  So I'm trying to figure out where the balance is.  Facebook is great for dropping lines every once in awhile.  An Indian calling card is good, too, when Young Life Sila has YL club and I need to talk to them about it.



*Conclusion - I need grace.  I need to receive it wholeheartedly.  Recognize I am insufficient to figure all this out but God's grace is absolutely sufficient.  I must surrender to this overwhelming, unfailing love daily.  Because my sin nature says to do the opposite and work, work, work.

Pray for me to welcome His grace as I transition to life here.